Ask Ruth - Answers

Ask Ruth - Answers will be published as soon as Ruth has had time to consider your questions and provide an answer, Ruth will try and ensure that replies are posted once a week.

Question: 20 November 2007

Dear Ruth,

  I wonder if you can help me.

  I have been living with a transgendered person for almost 9 months now. My partner does not wish to have a sex change to become a woman, although dresses (almost) 24/7 in feminine clothing. I sometimes feel that I have a problem, in that I don’t really have a problem with trans people at all. We have a wonderful life and many wonderful trans friends.

In fact, I am wondering if I am a trans person myself? I don’t wish to physically become a man, but I love wearing the trousers and doing all the DIY work at home. I don’t even read the instructions when I do things (which my partner says is just ‘like a man’). I have also always felt much more comfortable in my career, and have found being ‘mum’ very difficult at times.

I wonder if there is a problem, not having a problem?

I would love to hear from you.

A very happy partner of a transgendered person.

Regards Anon

Answer:

Dear Anon,

It seems to me that you are quite right in saying that you do not really have a problem. The only problem that I can see is that some (but not all) other people may think that you BOTH have a problem! But

worrying about what others may think can itself become a problem. “There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so” (Shakespeare) So if you can both live your lives in a way that makes both of you happy you have nothing to worry about. As to whether or not you are trans, I think that only you can decide that. Good luck to you and your partner, there will be many other trans people quite envious of your life-style!

Ruth

Question 26 November 2007

Hi Ruth Can you please help me as I am a TV/TG and loosing my hair in places and have a small patch with some but little growth in that area, I do not like wigs, What do you think that I should do, can you please, please, help me.

Ruth replies:

First I must say that I am not an expert in this field. I can only tell you what I believe to be the situation. If you want a truly definitive answer you must consult a trichologist (hair expert). But beware of charlatans, you may lose a lot of money and still not have hair!!

My understanding is that you are unlikely to get growth back unless you can block male hormones and take female hormone treatment. Even then it depends on how old you are and how long you have had hair loss.

A young person just starting to lose hair may, with the appropriate hormone treatment, be able to restore some growth, but if you have been without hair in that area for a long time it may be impossible to restore it. I'm afraid that if your male genes dictate that you are to

lose your hair there is not a lot you can do about it.

If the area of weak growth is quite small, and you can use appropriate treatment to prevent further hair loss, you may be able to grow the good hair long enough and dense enough to be able to dress it in a

style which will cover the weak area. This may dictate the only hair style that you can have, but it may still be better than a wig.

However, a good wig in a style that suits your face and properly looked after can be very convincing, and when you have worn one for a long time you may even start to feel undressed without it!

Good luck with whatever you decide to do,

Ruth.

Question 22nd October

Hi Ruth,

 Could you please let me know if any offence is committed if a "non-

 passable" male walks down the road, respectably dressed as a Lady. i.e.

no 6" heels with a 4" skirt etc.

Thank you,

Sally

 Ruth replies:

 Dear Sally,

 I'm pleased to tell you that no offence is committed, so long as there

 is no suggestion of indecent exposure.

 Fortunately in this country there are no laws about what anyone should

 wear except that it must not be indecent.

 However, whether or not you will be accepted by the general public is

 another matter. I don't know in what respect you consider yourself

 "non-passable", but the more modestly and respectably you dress in

"ordinary" clothes the easier it is to pass much of the time. Don't

 draw attention to yourself unless and until you are confident enough to

 make people think "Oh! What a smart and well dressed lady". Dress to

 suit your age, don't over do the make-up, use a wig (if you need one)

 that suits your face, learn to walk and behave like a woman, and you

are well on the way to "passing".

Ruth.

Hi Ruth

I am an 18 year old TS and have a heterosexual 21 year old boyfriend who I have been with for 12 months. He has recently started a bar job and I am worried he will cheat because I am still pre-op. Please help, I am so stressed out.

Thanks, Leah.

Rith replies:

Dear Leah,

Does your boyfriend know that you are pre-op TS? If he knows, and really loves you, he should be sympathetic and support you during your transition. If he does not know, you absolutely must tell him and accept the consequences, because if he finds out later, perhaps from someone else, it would have a devastating effect on both of you. He may even feel that you have been cheating him. Assuming that he knows and does cheat, there is nothing you can do about it. It is unrealistic to expect anyone to always behave as we want them to! If things do not work out as you would like, remember that you are very young, and because you are pre-op, you still have to experiance living fully in the gender that you feel you should be. So there is plenty of time to develop other relationships which could turn out to be as good or even better than what you have at present.

Best wishes and good luck

Ruth

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